The Worst Night
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: This story explores what might have happened if Cora had been in danger of dying of the Spanish flu the evening she went upstairs and not on the following day. Told from Robert's perspective.


The worst night

AN: Thank you so much for your reviews on Trust Me. I am really glad you liked it so much. Here is another story that I wrote. I might put one more story on here sometime this week but I am afraid that then my break from work will be over. But I'll try to write something once in a while. It has been a lot of fun to revisit these characters!

As always, let me know what you think!

Love,

Kat

This story explores what might have happened if Cora had been in danger of dying of the Spanish flu the evening she went upstairs and not on the following day. Told from Robert's perspective.

* * *

Bates has just left and he sits down on his bed. He wonders if Jane will come to him. She might. He is sure she is just as interested in him as he is in her. In fact he thinks that she might be a little in love with him. Or maybe she is in love with the idea of being in love with the Earl of Grantham and having an affair with him. He is not in love with her, he knows that. He desires her, he wants to take her to bed but he does not love her. He might be infuriated with her, nothing less and nothing more. If she came by now he wouldn't want to fight his desire for her. In fact, that would be the only thing in his life going his way. His life is going over a cliff. Sybil marrying the chauffeur. Cora turning American on him. Cora neglecting him.

So when he hears a gentle knock on the door he is prepared to let Jane in but instead of Jane it is Sybil standing in front of his door, wearing her nursing uniform and looking frantic.

"Papa, you have got to come. It's Mama. She is not" He never finds out what Cora is not because when Sybil said "It's Mama," he turned around and walked through the door connecting his and Cora's bedrooms.

He sees Cora writhing on her bed, surrounded by Dr. Clarkson, Isobel and O'Brien. Matthew is at the door and Sybil overtakes him. Apparently she just walked straight through his room. He doesn't mind, she is a very good nurse.

"Her fever keeps rising," O'Brien says and Dr. Clarkson looks at him. "She is not well, I am afraid," the doctor says. "She'll need constant supervision. She cannot be left alone." Sybil and O'Brien immediately volunteer to watch her and he is thankful for it. He doesn't think he'd have the courage to sit at Cora's bedside, to watch her breathe, to make sure that the breaths she is taking are not her last ones.

Sybil and O'Brien must have decided that Sybil would take over the first shift because everyone except for her has now left the room. He looks at his youngest daughter and says "I don't know what to do," and she gives him a weak smile. "Talk to her if you like. It can't hurt and it might help. Let her know you are here." He nods and walks over to Cora's bed in a daze. When he sits down on the edge of it he grabs Cora's hand. "I am here," he says. She doesn't seem to hear him. She might not even know who he is. He touches her forehead and feels her burning up. "This is not normal," he says to Sybil and she shakes her head. "Is she going to die?" he asks Sybil. "Tell me the truth. Please."

"I don't know. Maybe. Probably," his youngest daughter replies and he sees how white she is. He feels tears stinging his eyes and doesn't care that Sybil probably sees them. She gets up and he feels the mattress shift under him when she sits down next to him. She grabs his hand that is not holding Cora's. "If it comes to the worst," she says, "I'll stay. Not forever. But for weeks, months, if you want me here. I won't leave you." He nods and marvels at the goodness in his daughter's heart. "Thank you," he says and squeezes her hand. He hopes it is enough to show his gratitude. Sybil puts her head on his shoulder then and they remain like that for quite a while. He forgets about wanting to leave the room, about not wanting to be there when Cora fights for her life.

Until Cora starts to cough and throw up. Sybil immediately returns to being a nurse. She rings the bell, gets cool cloths and puts a bowl in his hands. "Hold that under her mouth with one hand. Use the other hand to support her so she won't choke." There is now blood everywhere. He doesn't know where it is coming from but he is full of it and so is Cora. He is sure that this is the end. He does not want to be here, he does not want to see his wife die but he can't leave because someone needs to hold Cora up.

"Please," he says in a desperate attempt to make her hear her. "Don't die Cora. Don't give up." But again she doesn't hear him.

Dr. Clarkson comes running into the room, saying something about Lavinia and Carson, examining Cora, looking grave and pronouncing that Cora will live if she makes it through the night and adds that that is not likely.

Cora needs to be changed out of her bloody night clothes and he does that with O'Brien's help. He has no idea why she is suddenly in the room but he doesn't care. Cora needs help and she is giving it.

"You should change too, your lordship," she says and he nods. He returns to his room as if he was in a trance, puts on different clothes and returns to Cora's room without thinking about it.

"I need to change too," O'Brien says and he nods. "Lady Sybil has gone to assist Miss Swire," she adds and he nods again. "I'll take care of her ladyship," he says and sits down on the bed again. Cora is still burning up and coughing. She is a white as the sheets and her breathing is labored.

Never in his life has been so afraid. Not even when she brought their daughters into the world and none of the births were easy, especially not Sybil's. But this is worse. Infinitely worse. "Don't die," he says again.

It is now 2 am. 6 more hours. 6 more hours of being afraid. If he is lucky. If Cora is able to fight that long. Sybil has returned now. He has no idea where O'Brien went. Or if she ever came back.

"I can't stand it," he says to Sybil. "Not knowing if tomorrow I still have a wife. Not knowing if I ever will be able to talk to your mother again."

"It is horrible," Sybil agrees.

"I have never been so afraid. When you were born there were moments when both your mother and you hovered between life and death but I was only told about that afterwards. When I had already talked to your mother again. When I had already held you in my arms and you screamed at the top of your lungs because you were hungry."

Sybil gives a dry chuckle and touches his shoulder. "I suppose I was never quiet."

"No," he says and the he goes on without having planned it, without having even thought about it. "Sybil, I can't lose you and your mother in one night. If I gave my blessing for you to marry Branson, would you still write to me? Visit us?"

"Of course," she says without hesitation and despite his fear for Cora's life he smiles a tiny little smile. "You have my blessing then. Marry him if you must."

"Thank you, Papa," she whispers. He wants to say something more but Cora begins to moan and throws up again but at least this time there is no blood. He views this as a good sign and dares not to ask Sybil about it. They clean Cora who is still burning up and then Sybil sits down in the chair he usually occupies before Cora and he go down to dinner. Or to bed. They don't say anything else to each other. He keeps holding Cora's hand, moving her thumb across it, hoping that she will recognize that familiar sensation. Hoping that she will realize that he is there, praying for her life.

He looks at Sybil and sees that she has fallen asleep. He decides to let her sleep, lets her remain in blessed unconsciousness that will hopefully shorten the number of hours she is afraid for her mother's life. His heart is still beating in his throat. He remembers that he actually did not want to stay in this room, that he wanted to go to bed and wake up in the morning and be told what happened. But he can't. He can't not know, not for a single second. So he stays. When it becomes lighter outside and Cora is still breathing he begins to feel a little hope. Sybil is still fast asleep and he does not want to wake her. To him it seems as if Cora's fever had gone down and as if her breathing had become a little easier. As if it was becoming easier with every breath. He is almost sure that she will make it now and his eyes cloud over with tiredness.

He considers waking Sybil after all, asking her to switch places with him. When he gets up and tries to let go of Cora's hand he feels her holding onto it. "Robert," she says. "stay". Although she hasn't said more than two words Sybil has jumped up wide awake. "Mama," she says and Cora gives a very weak smile. She doesn't open her eyes and doesn't say anything else. But Sybil's next words drive tears to his eyes.

"I think we can be rather sure that she has made it through the night."

"Go and tell your sisters," he says and Sybil leaves in an instant.

Cora doesn't really wake up for another few hours but she is now sleeping peacefully and breathing deeply. When Dr. Clarkson finally comes he is able to wake her and to talk to her.

"You'll be fine, Lady Grantham," he says. "You'll feel groggy for at least a week but you are not in danger anymore."

When the doctor has left, he looks at Cora and smiles. "You gave us quite a fright. We thought we'd lost you. "

Cora stares at him. "I am sorry Robert. I think I neglected you and," but he shakes his head.

"You don't have to apologize to me."

Cora lets her hand fall onto her bed.

"We are alright Robert, aren't we?" and he almost has to laugh.

He grabs her hand and says "of course we are".

"Good," Cora says. "How are the others?" she asks.

"Lavinia and Carson seem fine. Mosely was just drunk. Stage fright."

It makes Cora laugh and he has to laugh too.

"I hate to leave you but,"

"But you have to take care of things. If the flu has reached us it must have reached tenants. Go. I am out of danger. And I need to sleep."

"Sleep well," he says and watches Cora close her eyes.

Cora was right. Half of the tenants and village seem sick and quite a few don't make it. Mrs. Hughes tells him that some of the maids are down as well.

He is glad to hear that it is neither Jane nor Anna. Those are the two maids he actually knows; the others he could not name.

He sees Jane when he runs in and out of the house and thinks she wants to talk to him but he ignores her. He never promised her anything.

He decides to have dinner in Cora's room. It gives him time to talk to her and also spares him the necessity of having to talk to Richard Carlisle who came "to help". As far as he can judge all he has done so far is cause work and set Mary's teeth on edge.

"You are only eating in here because you did not want to spend time with Sir Richard," Cora says to him when he sits down next to her bed. He can see her eyes twinkling and knows she is only half serious. And it is half true after all.

"You know me too well," he says and she smiles at him.

Cora hardly eats anything and what she eats she steals from his plate. "I don't like plain toast," she says shrugging her shoulders when he raises his eyebrows at her for stealing the last bite of his treacle tart.

A few days after the dreadfully sad affair of Lavinia's funeral he is alone in the library when the door opens and Jane enters.

"Yes?" he says and she looks at him as if she was surprised by his rather cold manner towards her.

"I was wondering if I could have a word with you, your lordship," she says. He gets up and looks at her. Maybe she deserves this. He did lead her on, he did kiss her. Once.

"It is just that I thought that," but he needs to interrupt her now. He does not need to make this any more uncomfortable.

"I know what you want to say and I am sorry. I am exceedingly sorry. But I am," he doesn't know how to go on for a moment. He does not want this to sound too personal. "I am a married man," he says and sees disappointment on Jane's face. "I thought her ladyship and you," he shakes his head. "No. Recent events have shown both Lady Grantham and myself what we have. I am not willing to give up."

"But will you be happy my lord?"

"Yes. Very happy, I should think." There are tears in Jane's eyes now but there is nothing he can do about them, nothing he wants to do about them. But he is glad there are several feet between them.

"I'll hand in my notice," she says and he nods. "That might be best for you. I am sure Mrs. Hughes will write you a good reference. You are a good worker from what I hear and see."

"Thank you, my lord," Jane says, turns around and leaves.

The moment Jane closes the door he hears someone walking towards him from the other side of the room. He knows by the sound of the footsteps that it is Cora. She must have entered through the other door and he hopes she did not hear anything. Or at least not too much.

"She is in love with you," Cora says plainly and he thinks there is no reason to deny it.

"Yes," he replies. Cora is still standing behind him and he doesn't think that he can turn around. Because he knows what she is going to ask next and he can't look at her face.

"Did you give her any reason to hope?" she asks.

"I am afraid so."

There is silence for what feels like an eternity.

"When was that?" Cora asks and her voice is shaking slightly.

"Before the Spanish flu," he answers. There is no point in lying.

"Did you want to take it further with her?" He has to think about this for a moment. And then decides on the truth.

"For a very brief moment I considered it. But then you almost died and I realized what I was jeopardizing. And that I had been a fool." He hears Cora move towards him and then feels her hands around his midriff.

"Well," she says, "at least you are my fool."

It makes him laugh out loud, turn around and finally look at her.

"Do you really think I am a fool?" he asks and Cora shakes her head.

"No. But I am glad that you are very happy. With me." He leans forward and kisses her on the lips. "That my darling I certainly am," he says.


End file.
